For me, excitement and fear can all be connected back to change. Change easily is within striking distance of every emotion.
I’m excited to have had a change in schedule and excited to make changes within myself. I’m excited to change who I surround myself with and excited to cut unnecessary strings loose. I’m ready to become productive and interested. I’m even thrilled to be back in school, seeing studies of focus and styles of teaching change. I can’t wait to learn and experience this semester. New year, new me, right?
But something I can’t seem to change is my ever present inability to say no. I hate seeing the look on someone’s face change from before and after I decline. I want to do everything but I know I can’t. And I fear the desire I have to do it all.
I’ve been in school for not even a full week yet I’m already sinking under immense loads of pressure, coursework, and extracurriculars, loads that are unlikely to change. It’s easy to feel like I can’t keep up with it all, like I’m drowning in an ocean I’ve created. Three AICE classes, one AP class, an officer position in key club, stem club, and interact club, a handful of close friends, one supportive family, strong faith, three school sports, millions of college-focused thoughts, and one girl with no idea how to balance it all. I fear never learning that balance or never changing my life to create balance. Never being able to truly display ability because I’m spread so thin. I fear never being able to give my best because I can’t change.My biggest excitements and my biggest fears can all be connected to potential change.
I agree that change is a scary thing, yet thrilling and appalling all in one. Variety is the essence of life, right? Well, if you want to look at it that way. Also, I think that everyone has some fear of disorganization and that it can be overcome with some practice. Also some rest. Rest is good.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that change is a very scary thing, often more scary than thrilling. As high schoolers we are loaded with sports, school, clubs and expected to balance it all then add on maintaing friendships and a home life and it also becomes all too much.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my life, I've had trouble saying no to people as well. However, when I moved to Florida I realized that I had nothing to prove to other people. In New York, it was yes this and yes that, but now I only really do things that I will enjoy. Granted I enjoy quite a lot, but the point still stands. Saying no may see like a scary endeavor, but trust me, it will make you feel better. Obviously, you don't have to be as cynical as me at times, but life will seem easier if you do the things you enjoy the most and not just everything that comes up. Overall, I like the pacing of the post and how much it contrasts mine but yet it's still the same theme, overwhelming work. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI understand how hard it is to say "no" to someone, especially a teacher or higher person to you. I've had that problem for as long as I can remember and unfortunately I still have that problem. I also agree with the amount of work we have and are expected to accomplish, it's stressful because we have a life outside of school too but that's high school.
ReplyDeleteOlivia!!! You gave me goosebumps while reading this and I can't pinpoint the exact reason why. It was written so well and in such a relatable way. Sometimes I find myself feeling so bogged down in the stressfulness of trying to balance everything that life encompasses. Like you said, with a rigorous course load of work at school, several clubs, a job where I work close to 25 hours a week, all while trying to maintain a social life and spend time with family can be extremely challenging to balance. Just know that you are an incredible person and that I have always looked up to you! I wouldn't get so worried about making changes, because the person you are now are one of the most hard working and driven people I know. Make adjustments to relieve stress and create happiness, but never change the person that you are!
ReplyDeleteLiv, you always work so hard. Whether its at soccer practice when your giving your 100% or in your classes where your up all night studying ! I hope you find a balance which I think you can :) Your beautiful and smart and cant wait to see how your gonna change the world in the future ! I also get overwhelm with school work, sports, and work or just friends. Its hard to balance everything but I know you can. Cant wait to read more
ReplyDeleteThis was a very powerful passage. I really connect with you along the lines of trying to balance 3 AICE classes with extra curricular activities. Remember that everything will be okay, 5 more months!
ReplyDeleteThis was written very well! I can relate to how it is very difficult to balance school, clubs, and extracurriculars. I often find myself having trouble balancing all my schoolwork with what I would like to do and what I have to do. I know that you will do great things, and you have the drive to do so.
ReplyDeleteLivvy, you are honestly the sweetest person that I know. That kindness radiates off of you and makes everyone's day a million times better. You do so much and barely get enough appreciation for it.
ReplyDeleteI completely relate when you said, "...I’m drowning in an ocean I’ve created." I chose to take the difficult route and so did you. This route, though excruciating at times, will help you immensely in the future. You have so much going for you and I pray that your load of responsibilities lightens up this year.
I really enjoyed reading your post! It was very well-written. Also, I can relate to it being hard to say no. While I don't have this problem with people my age or younger than me, I find it hard to say no to adults or people with authority. I can also relate to being under a lot of pressure even though we just started school. I'm taking 4 AICE classes and trying to finish FLVS, as well as applying to colleges and for scholarships, which is all very hard to balance and is really stressful. I'm also in the process of finding a job which I'm sure will only add to the stress once I do get one. Rip. But overall, again I really enjoyed your post, great job!
ReplyDeleteThe list of pressures was especially effective.
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