Dear Mom,
Do I tell you enough how proud I am to be your daughter??? Because, if not, I think it all the time. You have done so much for me and for all the other kids in Southwest Florida. Whether they come to MIA or not, you’ve given them a choice, a chance to change their life. You’ve given them competition, academically and athletically. But most importantly, you’ve given all the kids who choose to come here a home.
However, sometimes I wish the students who attend here are more understanding.
I have sat through class after class of sarcastic comments, ranging from when the roof of the science wing was being eaten away to when my English teacher brought his baby to school, summoning a sarcastic string of judgemental commentary to spill out of students mouths. They just don’t understand.
But then again I think, how can they? How can they understand how much you cared about this project without seeing you break down in your bedroom in tears as many times as I did? How can they understand how much I hated long car rides because it was an hour or more of listening to the same tired script over and over, holding onto hope that maybe one of the callers on the receiving end would drop $100? How can they understand the time it took when they didn’t grow up in the run down office we leased in the Esplanade, sitting in front of a small TV and watching the same Jean Michel Cousteau video at least 10 times a day? How can they understand how much this meant project meant to you without seeing the computer light glaring on your face late every night.
I guess I just have to accept that they can’t understand some things. The students I’m surrounded by might never understand because, for some, this much care must not something they can wrap their minds around.
And I can’t explain it. Sometimes I almost lose my head, almost. Like when I was in my 4th block Marine Science class and a student asked why we can paint and renovate the inside of the administration wing yet we can’t fix the roof. How could she have known that fixing the roof would cost $85,000? And that the renovations in the administration wing costed around $1,500? Or that the renovations were being donated, unlike the roof.
Inside, I can’t stand it when someone takes this place for granted. When someone complains about something just to complain. Always at the tip of my tongue is a sickly sweet, overly-positive “Feel free to leave!!!” because I just can’t take it. I can’t stand it when someone doesn’t even think about how this school got here.
Mom, you’ve done so much and you’ve changed so many lives, including mine. You don’t deserve hateful comments or ignorant remarks about something you’ve worked on since you sent me to third grade. You deserve so much more than what some of these students are giving you and I don’t think it’s fair or funny for some students to just jump to conclusions every time something doesn’t go their way.
I wish the kids here were more grateful of what they have because this is the most unique school I can imagine. I wish we had a way to educate them on what actually went on to bring them what we have today. Maybe a freshmen orientation-history class for all new students. Maybe I should try to speak up when kids in class are bashing the school. Maybe the solution is just to wait. Wait for these kids to grow up, look back, and remember their high school experience. Wait for them to experience hardships so they better appreciate all of them you went through. Maybe the only solution is patience. You’ve given everyone a second family, a second support group to fall back on. You’re changing the world, one student at a time.
And I wish more kids understood that because you deserve the world.
Love, Liv
I like the unique turn you took with this blog. I think you get a Band 1 because you still wrote for your audience. Being that you are the founders daughter, your audience is also your mom. Your voice was also strong and I think everyone is this school should read your blog and maybe they will gain a greater appreciation.
ReplyDeleteEven though I've only been here since sophomore year, I truly appreciate this school. I am constantly wondering if I would still be the person I am today had I not come to this school.
Ignore the hate, it comes from people who have nothing better to do.
:)
Chelsea Casabona
Liv!! This gave me goosebumps almost every sentence and Scalia is right: this would be an absolutely amazing Mother's Day card.
ReplyDeleteI believe that this piece of writing would be a band 3 on the scoring rubric. You did a great job of using rhetorical devices to your advantage when you stated how aggravated you are by students who don't understand (pathos) and comparing the difference between the cost of renovations (ethos). Your structure was also really great and you broke up almost all paragraphs into reasons why students don't understand. However, your focus on the prompt wasn't nearly as good as it could have been. It wasn't until the last full paragraph that you mentioned anything about suggestions that would improve the experience at MIA. There were also a few technical inaccuracies, but that might not take away from the clear expression.
I enjoyed this blog very much, but I wish you would have elaborated more on your suggestions rather than on students not understanding.
I would give this a band 2 because of your effective structure and clear explanation of your ideas.
ReplyDeleteI would give you a band 1. This iS sooOoo GoododooD !!! You had good structure and ideas. I liked how you are so passionate and you showed that in this piece! Keep up the good work
ReplyDeleteLivvy! I like how you wrote your letter to your mother, the founder of the school. You gave the reader a glimpse of what is was like to grow up with the struggles that your mother has been through for this school and then you go into how some students are acting towards the school. Your tone was professional and I could also hear the annoyance throughout the piece when you were talking about the ignorant remarks by the students.To give you a grade, I would give you a band 1. I say this, because by looking at the rubric, I can check off all four bullets from the description. Your post was intriguing and kept me engaged in the writing; I also enjoyed the visuals. The piece flowed and and the structure was solid.
ReplyDeleteJust like what Chelsea said, I believe that everyone should read this blog so that they can understand the effort that was put into the creation of Marco Island Academy. This was another great blog. Good job!
This post is very well written and structured in a very unique way. I think it was a clever decision to write this to your mom rather than the administration. You did an excellent job at showing letting your feelings shine through while still managing to seem composed. I feel like you earned a Band 2.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this because of the perspective that a lot of us aren't able to relate. I really enjoyed reading this because of how your feelings were portrayed through. The pictures included showed really emphasized how personal this is for you. I also agree with Chelsea that everyone should read this, because of how understandable it is that you would get frustrated over the criticism and others should realize that. You did a really good job at writing this blog to the appropriate audience while remaining professional and portraying your feelings.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU! I have been waiting to read yours because there was a lot of people discussing problems with the school rather than things that could be improved administratively, socially, and academically. Saying how you don't like a roof, table, or umbrella actually just frustrates people that care about the school and believe for it to be their own. While you took a twist on the prompt, I am just going to give you an A+ because I'm not sure how to using the mark scheme for this. But thank you so much for sharing your perspective and enlightening us on the mind of Olivia:)))))
ReplyDeleteAlso great use of rhetoric, metaphors and analogies were very very strong- I felt very close to your stories and could picture your mom in all of your flashbacks
DeleteDear Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI'd like to begin and start off by saying how your use of pathos in this hit me hard. And when I say hard, I mean like a plane flying into my heart at top speed and trying to fly out all while pulling at my heartstrings. I have a newfound appreciation for both you and your mother after reading this.
Of course beforehand I appreciated Mrs. Watt for everything she's ever done to provide me with a school that I've been able to thrive inside of. And cannot thank both you for supporting her through all of these hardships and her for persevering through all the negativity that people hurl at her.
Moving onto the actual content, you provided something both unique to the prompt, and although not professional, it still worked. Although we were told to be professional, the actual AICE prompt calls for "appropriate form". Considering your mother is part of the administration, and you both are past the part of being formal, the tone is appropriate.
Not only the above, but you moves from flashback to flashback with ease. You presented a way to not only solve the problem at hand, but were able to do a narrative all in one. Which I thought would be impossible, but you proved me wrong, and I'm so glad you did.
Your writing here is very strong and was a pleasure to read tonight. Grading based on the rubric, I'd give this a high Band 2.
Thank you, and thank you to your mother for making MIA the best high school experience it ever could have been for myself and numerous other students, even if they don't realize it yet.
As many others have perviously stated, the strong use of pathos and rhetorical devices make your voice loud, clear and complex. Out of every blog I have read so far for this class I think this is the most effective use of pictures. The tone was appropriate for the audience in this particular situation, as your parents are audience but be care in future writings when you don't fall into this unique category. Structure and grammar was smooth smooth. Sadly this blog does not answer the prompt to the best of your ability, which is why I say band three. I saw a lack in solid ways to improve this school. I felt you tried dodge the prompt by saying "i wish..." as this isn't an improvement. The only time you spoke of improvements was three in the last paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI would give this this blog a band 1. Your approach was unique and amazing. You really poured your heart out into this and it helped you to succeed. Your structure was excellent along with your, language, style, and your use of pathos was outstanding.
ReplyDeleteI think this is deserving of band 1, especially since you nailed the creative "possibly original" aspect of this assignment. Your grammar is done very well, along with your structure. Although your points are not listed plainly, you transitioned between them quite seamlessly
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this. Like a lot. While I definitely agree with Zack that this would get points for the "possibly original" part of the rubric. I don't think the prompt was followed completely. And I understand why. I'd give this a mid-band 2 just for the lack of solutions that were offered. However, this was really good.
ReplyDeleteThis post was a very interesting, lively, approach to task, possibly original, in appropriate form, and engaging audience. You had a very strong voice which definitely added to your persuasive tone. As this failed to keep an extreme professional tone, I would give you a mid to high Band 2. This was so original and very eye opening. Great job, as always!
ReplyDelete